"…I know that I had sworn I’d never trust anyone again but I didn’t have to You had me at hello…" this time I Have to say that I Lost all passion to do stuff, you know i’m kinda broken, and alone, well here in León I haven’t found my place yet, i’m like a lonely wolf, you know keeping a low profile, in my own stuff, so… context right, : I Really enjoy reading I Re-discovered it in my time here, well I Met this girl, she’s so special, she is amazing, and I LIKE HER, and as ADTR wrote, “She had me at hello”, I had sworn the same (not to trust anyone again)… about Tania that was bullshit , I broke that concept of her, and I Moved on, she was an illusion, was hard but good for me, that was so fucked up in my mind, i don’t want something similar ..
Is really REALLY hard to me, to Like, to care, to love somebody…specially in the romantic way but she is AMAZING, here is my point, I Don’t know how to deal with my fucked up mind, life, soul and that stuff.. “…I wish I was special You’re so fucking special But I’m a creep I’m a weirdo What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here..” Hate this song I Really hate this song, but that’s not the point, coz’ I Feel that way, like an *** piece of shit, whatever..
I Really like this girl, like for real, I really really mean it, I have been kind to her, i’m giving th best, I Wanted to say what I feel, but i can’t, maybe i’m a pussy or maybe IDK, lalomon (BFF) wrote me “if you, no matter what, didn’t dare to do it is because youre not ready to be with someone” maybe he is right, I’m not ready, not for her, because I really care about her, is for my fucking life ,as I Said she is so special, I Don’t want her to see me like a dude who only bought her books, as a simply but special friend, I Don’t even know if she has a boyfriend, And she probably has, even if I don’t see those signals, you know what i mean? , you know, when someone date someone….but she probably is in love with someone else, I respect that
I Have to really compromise my life, coz I don’t want a simple relationship I want something to last, maybe is for all the crap that i’m watching lately, silver linings playbook, 10 things i hate about you, (500) days of summer„ com’on Jonathan, You are a fool, a romantic fool, and that will kill you.
I Overthink the stuff, I Know but as someone tweeted: “…be consistent with your actions, if you want someone to stay in your life, give security and the means to do so…”
I’m really happy that she crossed my way, she’s the one? no one can promise that, but what they say is true, “a good woman can change a man for the better”, and as I said, I Really like her and she worth everything EVERYTHING. and it’s dangerous coz’ falling in love will kill me, but she already changed me for better "…I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away, But the more I do, The crazier I turn into…"
but i’m too complicated as Oscar Wilde once wrote “I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex” I will return to my reading, I hope the next time I have the courage to say:
Malu, I Really Like You.
I Will take the risk, you know, even if for any reason is a no, I will be glad coz I Took the risk, and as I said, she already makes me better…..and back in my life I will do what I Have to do, it’s my time, is do or die, and… the future is bulletproof and the aftermath is secondary.
This time I didn’t want to talk much more about my life, just this little part that is driving me crazy.
Thanks for reading this.
P.S. Best Spot, ever